This is day 2 of the 30 day writing challenge. Writing is the easy part for me but the technology can be daunting. Sometimes things get lost along the way; I miss a step and posting my blog doesn’t work. Kinda like in real life.
It’s late now. I struggled with the post I had originally written for today; I posted it but something was wrong and I don’t know how to fix it. And yes, I should be sleeping. But I decided to pull the original post and write a new one. You get an inside look at what is going on, right now. Welcome to my honest and authentic life.
You see, there is that deep stubbornness (that I can call determination) that lives inside me. This trait doesn’t want to call it quits. Just between you and me, I am glad I’m this way…without it I would have given up a long time ago. Getting discouraged happens. When it does, I have to dig deep down to speak kindness to my heart because sometimes I feel like a failure. I have learned the practice of speaking kindness to myself over many years. You’re Ok, Annie, I say. This is new. And you are doing fine.
Tonight I tell myself, in that conversation between me and me, Just keep going. Learning can be messy. It’s not always instant. Wait, let’s try that again, I say, me to me. If it’s worth learning, it is going to take some effort. Sometimes a lot of effort. And there will probably be lots of imperfection. Are you ok with that?
I smile, just a teeny bit, in the midst of those sneaky tears. Yeah, I’m ok with that. I’m willing to keep going. It’s not just about goals but about who I am becoming in the midst of reaching these goals. And I know I will continue on. And I will keep speaking kindness. It is a powerful language of the heart.
The gardenia in the photo is from my garden. I like that the leaves are spotted and not perfectly shiny. The flower still blooms and offers her generous fragrance.
