What do I mean when I say, “I accepted a 30 day writing/blog challenge to allow myself to be seen?”
It means that as I write these blogs I am not wearing the teacher’s hat. I am not facilitating a transformational writing or music class, nor am I holding the space for sound work healing, prayer work or meditation. In these blogs I am not taking on any other role than being me. And yes, all the art, photos and writing in these 30 days are my own.
And so here I stand.
Allowing who I am and my work to be transparent.
Allowing myself to be seen.
I have always been an artist and a writer. Because of my life circumstances, this was not encouraged and I have worked in many professions through out my years. I am now presenting some of my writing/art in this 30-day challenge that most people have not read or looked at before. To take on this challenge, to “be seen,” was terrifying for me. I know this may surprise some.
I often hear many comments about how “fun” my life work must be. Many only see me in one way; they do not know my stories of hiding my poetry under the mattress so it was not discovered. They do not know of the ridicule and jealousy and angry threats that rose up as a result of “my gifts”.
And yet, I could not turn away from who I am …
It was a dangerously courageous journey for me to fully “return home” to my arts and my true self. I cannot go deeper in my teachings without continuing to do my own work. And yes, I understand how tempting it is to stay in the “safe zones.” But we don’t grown here. We have choices to make. And long ago I learned that honesty is the very best way to live our lives.
Living authentically is about striving to be real, like the story of the velveteen rabbit that I read in the 60’s. Especially the part about our fur getting rubbed off. We sometimes walk with a limp, or have scars. But that may be part of the journey. It certainly has been for mine.
As I write this, I want to stress that standing in a place of vulnerability is not a place of weakness. This is a position that allows for true change and deep transformation.
Many, many years ago my life felt like a deep abyss. It was here I learned to look at my darkest fears. I began to crawl forward, even though I was terrified. I had three small children who needed their mommy. Every day was a new day for choosing courage. Bit-by-bit I moved forward through long dark trenches. I used art for healing. And I learned. There is no fast track, only the road of truth. But it is the best road. Trust me on that.
And so here I am.
My sincerest thanks to all of you who leave your wonderful comments and responses after reading my blogs. I have come home to my true calling. I am so grateful that you are all part of my homecoming.
Diane Annie Mathias, MA
November 28, 2015
