I am breaking out of old spaces and I am aware how difficult this can be. To me it can feel like breaking out of a very old box.
Sometimes we hesitate to show our newest work.
This happens to us all, I believe, especially when it deviates from what others are used to seeing.
When we grow and move deeper into our lives, this allows our works to grow also. We try out new forms of expression. We allow our creative expression to change.
We let go of old ways.
We jump out of boxes and kick up our heels.
Sometimes this can require great courage.
I recently wrote to a friend to tell her I had the guts to share my newest video. Yes I was terrified.
And this is a form of terror that certainly doesn’t taste like chicken.
I am fortunate to have a few very supportive friends:
Me: OK, I did it. I put up my newest video. Let’s see if the sky falls in…
You: Yay to you! If the sky calls in, we’ll create some umbrellas.
Why was I was terrified?
This video has lots of visuals in it that are not my “typical” internet style of video. I have a life of struggling with my oldest nemesis, that nasty critic that tells me I have to “fit in.”
(Click here to visit the blog post where I share the video!)
But I don’t know how to do that.
Back when I thought this was “truth” I tried to do just that. It didn’t work. I just couldn’t stay at the 50 yard line.
That seat was way too boring and is a true waste of a life. So in the privacy of my own home, seated at my old farm table, once again I sit and I write. I create. I record. I play music.
But when I am done I sometimes look at my work and ask, “Is this ok?” Over time I have gained ground and I now answer myself with, “YES! This is who you are and that is just fine!”
My honest, inner fear says:
“I actually feel terrified to make this public. All my life I was asked, “why can’t you just be normal?” (Whatever that is…)
But sometimes you just can’t stay in those little small places anymore. So here I am. Moving deeper and deeper into that glorious creative frontier that stretches on before us all. To me, creativity moves so deeply into my own spirituality.
It is a place where I go and then I search for expressions… I learn or make up new expressions in order to explain what is there. I find the need for new colors, music, and the merging of the various parts of myself.
My heart broke when I heard how, years ago, Bob Dylan gave a concert and he began to play some of his new work. The crowd responded in a most dreadful manner. Instead of recognizing this progressive genius on the stage before them, they interrupted the concert by calling out requests for his old songs. Yes they really did. They did this while he was playing his newest work.
I remember being personally embarrassed to hear this. If I remember correctly, he walked off the stage. I wanted to write him a letter of apology on behalf of the human race.
I wish others would realize how much courage it takes to move out of old comfort zones.
As creatives, we eventually come to places where our dwelling places are too small. We want to open the windows and knock down some walls. We must do this in order to grow.
For some, this is too great a risk and they never venture out. They create the same work, year after year, decade after decade. For others, they are compelled to move forward, they know if they do not, they will rot in the ruts .
The courageous one is like farmer who has plowed under last year’s crop. They allow the field to stand fallow for a while before the next planting. They wait without apparent action but the real action is happening in the depths of the soil, unseen.
This courageous one understands how the old crop, over time, has depleted the soil.
Standing in this “place of new” can require great courage. There is often an unknown and that lack of security can feel scary.
We don’t know what will happen, not really. It is no wonder that folks stay in the old and known places, often termed “the comfort zone”. To stand here, in that which is not clearly defined, is a place of guts and exploration. It requires the spirit of a pioneer and the creativity of an unchained artist.
When we grow on the inside, our outer work changes. We don’t always understand and yet we know that something is happening, deep within. We may feel restless or emotionally down or even like we have lost our way.
Newness does not always bring comfort. And yet here we are.
The soil whispers to the seed, “Trust. Burst open that shell and allow your roots to go deep. Soon you will grow above the ground.”
My dear friend,
Your excellent encouragement in this article really moved me forward, with purpose to move out of the box! Thank you so much for giving of your time, wisdom, and experience to mentor and coax our little budding seedlings up from their underground hibernation. After reading this, I went for a walk on the beach. Afterwards I sat down and out poured a poem. I’ve always been afraid of poetry…ryming, timing, sounding too fixed. But there it was, poured out from a creative space that needed to be broadened. Thank you for your words of wisdom, and for your always helpful encouragement!
My experience has been that if I don’t move and change the world around me forces the change. (Think 2020) I prefer after living through a couple of outside activated changes, to listen as you describe here to the inner motivations and to open the space for these changes to happen organically from within.