I have had many fears in my life to overcome. We all have.
Recently I began a 30 day blogging challenge where I am putting my own work on the screen. I’ve told you how I am often terrified “to be seen”. It is not because I shouldn’t be doing this; it is because in order to offer my most authentic work I have to stand up to The Bogeyman.
These are the shadows in my life.
They rise up from my deepest places and they make me want me to hide.
I know I am on the right path when the bogeyman appears. “Oh, no one wants to hear that,” he whispers from under the bed. “Who do you think you are?” he chides from inside the closet. “You think you’re so great…” he mimics.
These are the words from my past; the fears that I once lived in. But I choose to not identify with these anymore.
As I walk thru the midst of my fears I have learned to ask myself, what am I really afraid of?
I give myself a space to reflect and honestly, and I mean honesty…open the door to a brutally real place where I go looking for answers regardless of what that answer is.
I have learned to listen to my shadows. I have learned to speak truth to these words…they are words of fear and shame that were once used to control me.
Some became my own words that sought to protect me in a childish way.
But all they do, at this point in my life, is enslave me.
And so I speak words of loving-kindness in the presence of that bogeyman. I lovingly tell my wee one within that I will protect her; that which once seemed so big and scary are now only shadows in our path. I shine my flashlight under the bed and tell her the coast is clear.
Sometimes I have to make my own voice sound very, very brave.
Yes we meet with resistance. Yes we become afraid. Yes, we can even stop our work to “stay safe.” But now I stand and say, “I will continue on.“ I pick up my sword to slash thru this darkness.
My words spill forth as precious, shimmering jewels and I offer them to ones who can use them. Come and take this encouragement, insight, love and perhaps an offering of empowerment. This is for us. I write for us.
The truth is, writing IS my sword. It is also the healing balm that I apply to gaping wounds, both yours and mine. This how I was made. If I do not share, I am keeping a gift from others who may need these words. We never know when the package of “who we are” will make a difference in someone’s life. When we become vulnerable and honest, we become as the hollow reed; this is a place of great humility. It is the true offering of ourselves.
As I choose to stand up to my own bogeyman, each day I stand a little taller. I become more able to understand my fears. I grow in compassion for myself and for others. And I am growing far beyond the fears that once held me in bondage.
(c) Diane L. Mathias, 2015
