There was apple jelly in the peanut butter sandwiches I ate as a child. Did you notice? I mentioned this briefly in the last blog, “Learning to Listen to Tree Speak”.
“As a child I spent many spring, summer and fall hours outside. My home was often one of upset and storms; I remember how my father would make me peanut butter and apple jelly sandwiches. I would meet him on the porch where he handed me lunch and I would take my sandwich back to the woods…”
When I write, seemingly “lost details” often come back to me. Like the taste of that pale, lumpy excuse of jelly. I allow my writing to flow, rather than be stilted and jerky. It’s like singing in the shower. I just let it happen. As I wrote about apple jelly, I wondered if you taste what you write about. I do. It’s part of the synesthetic me. The words roll in my mouth, lumpy and pale and no, I don’t eat that type of apple jelly more. Those re-occurring sandwiches were made with love during a very difficult time in my childhood. But I always wished we could have strawberry jam. And fresh fruit…
And then there was Spam and Wonder Bread. Sure, I could “overcome” my dislike for these foods but I gave myself the freedom not to have to. I understand it’s about association. I get that. But why, as an adult, would I eat those foods anyhow?
In my life journey I gave myself the gift of “not having to have every little part of me healed”. I have worked really hard to put the pieces of my life together, the parts that count. And if I don’t like something because of association, (like saddle shoes) well, that’s just fine. Of course when something REALLY matters, sure, I will address it. But the fact that as kids we ate that dreadful sliced spam (that looked different than the modern photo) and we were served it right out of those boxes you opened with a key and it had that gross gelatin stuff still on it in a white Wonder Bread sandwich with catsup… For what its worth, Spam isn’t allowed in my house.
We now make jokes about Spam. And Brussels sprouts. My kids love Brussels sprouts now, but they were never served them growing up. Or Wonder Bread. Is this a bad thing? Nope. Not in my book. I tell them why I don’t like them. They know I have a very generous palate. At Thanksgiving I gave them a heads up that the nutrition bars in the fridge were made with cricket flour…
For me, it seems that my energy is better spent on what matters. Like living in truth. Or learning compassion. Or helping to create a safe space for my students to learn. As for apple jelly, Wonder Bread and Spam… well, they are at the bottom of important items to deal with.
But just so you know, if you ever serve me Brussels sprouts with a dinner you made, I would gladly eat them and you wouldn’t even know they were on my yuck list…
(c) Diane L. Mathias, 2015 All rights reserved
